Posts by La Capra

41

microphones were the last straw

by ivy in

jw
friends

it wasn't the big stuff that made me decide i could never go back, it was one little thing.

i have been thinking about my journey out of "the truth", and i think i can pin-point the last straw.. .

i had been out for years, but always thinking that if i got my head together someday i would be good enough to go back.

La Capra

While not "the last straw" for me, one that definitely made me chuckle (and encouraged my reluctancy to consider a JW "mate") was the food stand at the summer conventions. This was still when there was food and it was handled by the "ticket arrangement." My mom always signed us up to do the concessions, and I would usually be at the counter. However, while I was in high school, I got taken of the counter and relegated to "gopher." The reason? I could do the sums of the tickets faster than anyone else, particularly the elders and ministerial servants that flanked me. I could also do their totals while doing the totals for the people in my line. Instead of making good use of this skill, they got bent. (OK, this is bad, but i still consider myself "better" than those crackers.)

The effect on me was the realization (and generalization) that JW men were actually inferior to women, despite the public image of superiority. I left "bemused" by the shortsightedness of the JW philosophy of women in their organization. Their cult would probably be quadruple its size if it were an egalitarian organization.

Whatever, it's not my bag anymore.

Shoshana

24

Last JW meeting

by greendawn in

when you finally came to the jw meeting that you knew was your last one, what were your thoughts, feelings or actions?

.

my last was the summer convent of 1986. i stood there until everyone left and then i took a picture with my new camera of the empty stadium, the wish being that the wts would collapse and never fill up again stadiums with people.

La Capra

Evita

We just might be neighbors. I don't live in Santa Rosa, but I do work and go to school there....

Shoshana

24

Last JW meeting

by greendawn in

when you finally came to the jw meeting that you knew was your last one, what were your thoughts, feelings or actions?

.

my last was the summer convent of 1986. i stood there until everyone left and then i took a picture with my new camera of the empty stadium, the wish being that the wts would collapse and never fill up again stadiums with people.

La Capra

I know I have posted this before. I had made the decision more than a month before my last meeting, but couldn't do anything because my mom had planned this big trip with her step-sister, my step-cousins (JWs) and her best friend. Tickets had been purchased, condos had been booked, and by damn I was not about to miss Hawaii just to be free of approximately a dozen or so meetings. I was in Hawaii, we went to the Sunday meeting. And as each little milestone in the meeting passed, I would think to myself "last opening song", "last opening prayer" "last polite applause after a sucky public discourse," etc. My exctiement rose as the WT study ended. I tried to leave my songbook, WT and Bible in the chair, but some kid saw that I left them and brought them to me before we walked out, so I was stuck with them. August of 1987-not quite as important as the day I decided to leave, but up there. I was glad I knew I would never go back the last time I went. I will never set foot in another Kingdom Hall, as long as I live (not even for my mother's memorial service). And Evita-I think that was 1983-it was a one year break from summer conventions in the Cow Palace. Why do I remember? I had my first panic attack there, when some lady accidently brushed my shoulder, and declared I had soft skin-several people around her started stroking my shoulders, arms and back (I was wearing a sundress) as the crowd was leaving for the day. Summer after ninth grade....Shoshana

7

loans for college

by tsunami_rid3r in

jw
friends

i dont understand how it works.

all i know is, my dad got approved for a $20,000 loan.

he will have to pay $800 a month.

La Capra

We told you in an earlier thread

Where scholarships fall short, get financial aid (if you haven't completed the FAFSA yet, what are you waiting for), and where that falls short, borrow. You do not have to pay back student loans until you finish college.

There is lots of free money for college, and FAFSA (or your local state equivalent) is your first step. It is essentially an application for financial aid (grants and GSLs), which you and your parents must complete before you can get any federal (or state) aid.

Guaranteed Student Loans are loans you take out and you have to pay back. Repayment is deferred until you are out of school. But you are responsible for it.

It sounds like the loan your parents are thinking of is not one of these loans. In fact $20K with repayment at $800 a month sounds like a five year loan with a pretty steep interest rate. If your parents are willing to take responsibility, then you should accept it, but carefully consider the repayment terms they want. It may be unlikely you could live up to their expectations ($800 a month is A LOT) in the time frame they are expecting.

The nice thing about GSLs is that even after you graduate, if you can't make the payments, you can take a few courses at a local community college and extend deferment on the repayment. And the other nice thing is that you have no obligation (financial, or other strings) to your parents.

You really must go talk to your guidance counselor at your school about this. Park your rear outside her office door if necessary. The longer you wait, the less money there is (filing date for FAFSA opens on March 1 each year, I think).

Hope you like Top Ramen (that's how I made my student loans last, and got them paid off quick after college).

Good Luck, and get cracking.

Shoshana

37

TIME WILL TELL (Did you fake your hours in Field Service?)

by Terry in

jw
friends

i know for certain that brothers in our congregation often lied about their time on field service reports.

(yes, we had to fill out quota reports back in the old days).

one brother, harry, would dump magazines in the storm drains!

La Capra

I never even thought of faking my time. I felt horrible that my time was always so low, but I was so brutally shy when it came to intruding on people's peace and quiet in their own homes, that I could barely bring myself to do it.

Just this morning, I realize, my mom must always make up her time. I was with her most of my time (or aware of what she was up to), and there was no way she made the time she reported. Who knows what she does now-I don't care-I'm sure she pads....

I'm glad I never did think of faking my time. If I had, I might have found other ways to survive, thus extending my imprisonment. As it was, 19 years was 19 years too long.

It's a huge relief to realize that most are faking and padding their hours. I used to feel like such crap that I couldn't get more.

Shoshana

31

List options for my escape here.

by tsunami_rid3r in

jw
friends

problem: .

want a normal life of going to college, freedom.

in return will get kicked out of the house.

La Capra

Hey kiddo

Keep putting education first. If there is anyway to get the parents to pay, do it. If you are in the top 10% of your high school class, you have what it takes to succeed intellectually. Where scholarships fall short, get financial aid (if you haven't completed the FAFSA yet, what are you waiting for), and where that falls short, borrow. You do not have to pay back student loans until you finish college.

Get a job. And not in some franchise fast food place (unless that is all there is). Don't get a credit card until your fourth year of college (just don't do it-pay as you go. By senior year, you will need to build some credit, that's when you can get one).

If I could do it (and I did), so can you. I did it in the 80s when going to college got me marked, but I knew it was my ticket out. I kept at it, went into debt, and was HUNGRY for a real job by the time I was done with school. I stayed very far away from drugs, and never drank enough to get drunk. (Oh, but I did have boyfirends, and what goes with that.) I think I missed a lot of what America says the college experience was about, but the fact is, I didn't have that luxury-not in my cards at all. You probably don't either.

You will be getting your own place (space) soon, don't go over board on stuff for it (more to move-and college kids are always moving). Take the stuff you need that people are willing to give you. It's a college living situation, no one expects Architectural Digest-hell they don't even expect IKEA.

I think the biggest hindrance to young dubs leaving is their insecurity about making it on their own (it's what we were conditioned to believe). But don't worry, every other kid out there is just as prepared as you are, and not nearly as motivated to stand on his own.

Good going

Shoshana

29

Assemblies suck

by Nosferatu in

jw
friends

didn't it drive you up the wall how, after a long week of working or going to school, you had to spend your entire weekend at an assembly?

the saturday and sunday that you could've spent catching up on some yard work, or even relaxing was wasted away by sitting in a bunch of chairs, listening to stuff you've heard many times before.. i know this used to drive me up the wall.

it felt like i had absolutely no time to myself during these weekends.

La Capra

I blame assemblies and my conventions for my inability to stay focused. I learned how to completely zone out to what was going on around me. I could even "study" the entire WT study, with correct answers marked and seconds after have no clue what I supposedly had just read. This makes it a real challenge for me to pay attention when I am reading for school or work, or listening to lectures.

I have to use all the "special ed" strategies I use on my students, on myself.

But yes Nos, there I would sit, hour after hour, after being in school all week, wasting time, not even paying attention. But I even got bored zoning out. And I wrote, and wrote and wrote (I have beautiful penmanship, when I want). A huge regret was dumping my "assembly notes" when I DAed in 1987. There were several really fabulous screenplays completely fleshed out. I completely forgot they were in there, when I dumped them. When I realized what I had done, it was too late.

Have to admit, though, now I have the ability to stay in a chair at the kitchen for 20 hours on a weekend, studying...(Ok-half of that is zoning out-but you get the point, I learned to tolerate inactivity).

Shoshana

9

The itch of the ascetic

by El blanko in

jw
friends

have you ever had the itch to slim down your possessions to only those that are needed?

.

i get it from time to time, but wonder whether it is part of my neurosis.

La Capra

I do that too, not every week, or month, but probably every year. I have yet to regret getting rid of anything. I almost got rid of an old "word processor" (Canon Starwriter from the late 80s, early 90s). It didn't sell at the garage sale, and I opted not to take it to charity. I ended up using it on a few law school exams before they started letting us use our laptops. Saved my butt (and got me some high scores).

But if you feel like you might be off balance, go slow. Try this (I think this came from Suze Orman). Find ten things that are no longer of use to you, or to anyone else, and just throw them away. Then find ten things that are no use to you, but someone else could use, and take them to charity. You can do this once, probably painlessly, and see if that's enough of a taste for paring down your existence. If not, try it a few more times. (Suze's theory is that when you see how much money you have spent on useless crap, you will stop spending so much.)

I like not having a lot of crap around. It allows me to focus on my current deal and spread it out as necessary.

Now you got me itching to pare down. It'll have to wait until I finish my last final for this year of law school this Wednesday night (one down, one to go). I think I better cancel my plans for next weekend so I can join you in being off-balance. Have fun de-nesting-I really recommend it!

(I still take my starwriter to law school exams, as my back up in case my laptop crashes)

Shoshana

36

Anyone Here from No Calif?

by love2Bworldly in

does anyone post here who is from northern california?

La Capra

I'm in Sonoma County-been here all my life (except for a two year stint in Marin for a year of the forbidden graduate school and a year of teaching). Shoshana

15

weird reasoning...

by zaphod in

jw
friends

a cousin of mine was married to a brother at seventeen for two years.

they both pioneered and were, evidently, a happy spiritual couple.. my cousin realised that she had made a huge mistake marrying this brother, as they both were hormonally charged teenagers who had followed paul's advice to get married if they could not go without sex.

she just did not love him any more and she felt trapped by the jw stance on divorce.. this was her escape plan:.

La Capra

The JC Df'd them for a 10 year minimum period.

I find this so hysterical and also telling. Why DF anyone for a "minimum" time...Isn't armageddon coming tomorrow? Why give such an extended return date when "deep down in your heart" you knows this system will be over by then and the gamers will be destroyed. This is why I don't think the GB (and writers) believe their own vitriole. If kids knew they had an ever pushed out armageddon date of at least ten years, would they ever get baptized? Wouldn't find it out until you were in this situation, and didn't give a damn anyway.

Shoshana